My dear readers, I want to remind you of a simple phrase that my mother told me when I was young: "When life gives you a school marm, make school marmalade!"

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts,
My husband, I'll call him Stan, keeps telling me that he loves me just the way I am, and he especially loves my hair which has been in the same beehive-style for almost forty years. I've had the same bouffant since Stan and I met and I believe that I am ready for a change. I'm afraid that Stan won't like my hair any other way.

Should I tell him before I go to Super Cuts, or should I just risk giving the poor man a heart attack and come home with a bob?

Signed,
A Quandary About New Exciting Tresses

Dear AQUA NET,
My darling, I have seen this type of folicle-fueled argument ruin many a good marriage. I have an aunt, Bird, who has teased and hairsprayed her hair to a shellacked sculpture resembling a giant cotton candy cone since Kennedy was in office. For his part, her husband, Roger, Brylcreems his remaining five hairs each morning, whether he is leaving the house or not. Well, one of my aunt's friends thought it was high time that Bird let go of her dangerously outdated do and took her to a fancy hairdresser who cut off most of Bird's hair and gave her a close cropped perm.

As you might guess, Roger was not happy with the new poodle perm and told Bird that he was going to live at the Day's Inn for a while. It took a few weeks but the perm grew out and Roger came home. I tell you this tale only as a caution, AQUA NET. Your husband may love your hair as much, if not more, than you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts,
I'm dating a guy stuck in the 1950s. He's always offering me a cigarette, even though I don't smoke, telling me what a "swell gal" I am, and doing other silly things like laying his coat down over puddles and telling me to step on it. What's that about? Anyway, he's the nicest, most respectful guy I've ever been out with but his pace is sooooo slow. I don't know what to do. If I don't get some action soon I'm going to dump this guy and I don't want to hurt him like that. How do I tell him I want to progress to the next level without having him think I'm a slut, not that I'd mind that if it meant I'd get some?

Sincerely,
Restless and Impatient Zipper in Zigzag Oregon

Dear RIZZO,

I'm afraid that if you want to get your groove on with this romantic throwback, you will have to (to borrow a phrase from Dr. Phil) meet him where he is. And in this case he is firmly planted in 1955. This does not mean that you will never get any "action" because Lord knows the kids were doing it plenty back then! I suggest you get yourself a circle skirt, some horn-rimmed glasses and a tight sweater, go to a drive-in and see how fast his old-fashioned prudeness lasts!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts,
My husband is a pack rat and addicted to garage sales. He's always bringing home the oddest stuff—old broken TV sets and vacuum cleaners, comic books, picture frames, junk, junk, junk. He once bought an entire box full of cans of corn. I said, "What are you going to do with all that corn?" He said, "Well, I'll eat it eventually." That was five years ago and we still have that box sitting in our garage... untouched. Miss Lonelyhearts, I'm worried. I can't live with this clutter much longer. Our backyard looks like the city dump. Our neighbors are starting to talk. What can I do to rid my husband of his addiction to junk?

Signed,
Packed In Garbage, PENnsylvania

Dear PIG PEN,
Send your husband off on a camping trip, and while he is gone, order a dumpster and throw all of his junk away. Trust me, when he comes back, he might not talk to you for a few months, but eventually he will—but won't you feel so much better?

 

Features: Travel: Finding Harmony | Collecting: Reverend Jen and the Troll Museum | Decorating: Vintage Wallpaper | Photo Gallery: Vintage Fashion | Home: Vintage Kitchen | Manners: Interview With Etiquette Expert Letitia Baldrige | Lifestyle: Where Did You Get That?

In Every Issue: Miss Lonelyhearts | Calendar | Letters To The Editors | Links | The Pencil of The Month Club | About Us | Submissions

There's More To Love!

Read all of annabelle's past issues online!

Read the current issue now!


Don't miss an issue of annabelle!:
subscribe

Contact us

© 2005, annabelle magazine