You're Fired!
How getting sacked could be the best thing that's ever happened to you.
by Alisa WelchThree years ago, I thought I had the perfect job: office manager at the New York City office of a French art book publisher. Everything about the operation was trés fashionable, from our minimalist offices in a Chelsea loft with its panoramic view of the Hudson to our books that appeared in every design magazine out there. After I interviewed for the job, I was surprised that "Helen" hired me. I felt like a hick in chic's clothing surrounded by a staff of gorgeous Asian designers, fabulously gay art directors, and an impossibly high-heeled French mademoiselle whose job was uncertain but I'm pretty sure she was there just to speak loudly into her cell phone to her lover in Paris.
The honeymoon at French book publisher ended quickly after I realized what my job really entailed, specifically: daily humiliation. Helen's ambiguous job title gave her little to do besides yell across the loft at me to "Get sandwiches for the office!" (with my own money) or "Close the fucking blinds, the sun is giving me freckles!" or "I can hear you laughing!" I hated her with a burning passion.
While Helen was a piece of work, it was the company CEO whose outright contempt drove me to drink. His english was crappy, so he would snap his fingers and make sign language-y gestures to me when he wanted an espresso, or a piece of paper, or his pencils sharpened. Since he lived in France, he kept an apartment attached to the office and it was my job to see that it was spotless upon his arrival. There I was, a 29-year-old NYU graduate making my boss's bed, picking pubic hairs from his bathroom counter, and dusting his stupid hat collection. Yes, I had sunk very low for my job, and I could see no way out.
After two years of my steadily declining job performance and many nights spent with Jim Beam and George Jones, I was called to Helen's desk and summarily fired.
I was stunned. I hated the job, but fired?
I felt like I was being broken up with, albeit from an abusive boyfriend, but still, the feelings of rejection and sadness were the same. According to Stacy Lane, a Portland, Oregon career coach and consultant, my feelings were not unusual. "Getting fired can sometimes be a relief or even the end of a prolonged period of high stress. Or it can be an unexpected shock, you might encounter a wide range of emotions," she says.
Here's a quick overview of what to expect when you are dismissed with tips to get from fired to hired faster and hopefully with less trauma.
Stage 1. Shock and Disbelief: Take This Job and Shove It
Maybe you heard rumblings that people were being laid off, maybe your manager looked at you during a meeting and mouthed, "YOU'RE NEXT," but being fired is never easy. The first thing to do is to face reality. Then, as horrible as you might feel, go and tell it on the mountain.
"Getting fired can be an embarrassing, publicly humiliating type of event. It can be natural to want to hide it from others," says Lane. "I've actually had clients who didn't share it with their spouse until after weeks went by." But telling others will lessen the blow to your self esteem. Don't try and hide it by going to the train station everyday like you got a job to go to.
Self-preservation tip #1: If your self-esteem is suffering and you find yourself eyeing full bottles of barbiturates, seek professional help.
Stage 2. Initial Adjustment: I Ain't Got No Money Honey!
This is the "Gotta make the donuts" phase of doing the every day activities that will keep you housed and fed, even if brushing your teeth seems overwhelming. Of course wallow for a bit, go on a bender, sleep with your best friend, but at some point you will want to get motivated.
Like a scorned lover, you might be tempted to ask: Why? "Avoid this at all costs!" says Lane. "It's a natural question but you'll likely never be satisfied with the answer. Stick to questions that begin with 'What' instead." Lane suggests re-framing the situation so that you can take something from this debacle. Ask yourself, "'What can I learn from this situation?" Lane suggests. "I'm shocked at how many people, in hindsight, see that there were warning signs on the horizon long before they got fired. I've also had clients tell me that they should never have taken the job in the first place—they got warning signs in the actual interview!" she laughs.
Self-preservation tip #2: Take the time to apply for unemployment and investigate any other legal recourse you might have.
Stage 3. Active Reorganization: I Can See Clearly Now
So things are getting easier. The sting of getting canned is less, your financial situation is tenuous, but overall things are all right. In fact, this getting fired thing is like, the best thing that has ever happened to you. Strange? "Absolutely." says Lane. "The passing of time helps [you] see the overall situation a little more clearly. I mean, if you're struggling to pay the rent, it's hard to see your situation as being great. But, if being fired comes at a time when someone is feeling a whole lot of career discontent... woo-hoo! Maybe the timing is absolutely perfect then."
Now is the time to look deep into your blackened heart and figure out what you are going to do with your life. Is this really the career you want? Was getting fired, while difficult, a sign that your plans need to be reevaluated? "I work with a lot of white-collar (whatever that means) professionals who love and loathe the security that comes with a corporate 9-5 job," says Lane of her clients. "They really struggle with should I stay or should I go? They are too comfortable to leave, even though they know, in their heart of hearts, that they want to do something else. So they stick it out, and when they get fired, well, the decision to leave has just been made for them."
Self-preservation tip #3: Experts say that the best way to find a new job is through your friends and contacts. Now is the time to—*gasp*—network.
Stage 4. Life Re-formation: Fame! I'm Gonna Live Forever!
In the classic job-hunting guide, What Color is Your Parachute?, author Richard Bolles suggests that you don't wait another minute for the perfect job. "Let's face it, dear reader," he writes, "neither you nor I are getting any younger. If you don't go after your dreams now, when will you?"
Picturing your new life and your new job is crucial. As Ansel Adams famously said: "There is nothing worse than a brilliant image of a fuzzy concept." Draw a picture of your new life and new job with as much detail (no matter how far-out and unrealistic) and keep that image in your mind.
The world's infinite possibilities are open to you now. Of course maybe you have kids and a mortgage to deal with so the journey to your next job (your perfect job) will be taken in small steps, but you will get there. (And when you do, will you hire me?)
Self-preservation tip #4: Don't wait to for the perfect job to magically appear, create your own business! Did you know that 38.6% of American women are self-employed? Check out womensinitiative.org for inspiration.
Helpful Resources:
Stacey Lane, Career Coach & Consultant, can be reached at: 503.285.4440 or www.staceylane.net
The stages of being fired were adapted from The Healing Journey Through Divorce, by Phil Rich and Lita Linzer Schwartz (Wiley, 1999)
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